Bullying: Part 2 - Types of Bullies

There are several types of bullies. Almost everyone has had contact with at least one of these bullies in their lifetime. They can be blatantly obvious, or they can be subtle poison. They almost always benefit in some way from the bullying. They have some sort of power over the one being bullied, whether in truth or imagined. All are toxic, and all have the potential to harm another with long lasting effects.

1. School girls





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In my experience as a mother and a girl, girl bullies can be the worst out of the school age bullying. Whether in grade school or college, the behaviors are much the same. Most of the time it is bullying related to reputation or emotional abuse. Girls will pick on size, appearance, clothing, even social class. The bully is often someone that others look up to, but not always. Almost always the bully is more popular than the victim.


These girls will often withhold anything from play time to even basic acknowledgment of their victim’s presence. Girls mainly bully other girls, but will sometimes pick on those boys smarter than them, enticing them with friendship in order to gain help in school, or even get favors such as rides to parties. To say that schemes involving several people is only limited to movies is untrue. Some of these girls can be extremely bright and take joy in the manipulation of others around them like chess pawns.


2. School boys





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Boys tend to get more physical than girls. When boys pick on girls, it can range from reputation attacks to outright sexual assault. However, when boys pick on other boys, it is almost always some show of dominance or force. Fist fights are common, and are not reported as often as they should be.


3. Cliques/teams


Drama club, the football team, and the cheerleaders all make up this grouping. A single bully is bad enough, but often that single bully belongs to some team or club. They will bring in those others against a victim, creating a massive effect. Basic rules for single bullying (girls or boys) go out the window. Please note, this is not an attack on these teams. While I have personally seen the attacks, I have also seen teams band to stop bullying. Just as I have seen the chess club gang up on a victim. This is not limited to "jocks", nor am I excluding the “geeks”. Any grouping has the potential to do harm.



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The biggest problem with these groups is simple. They gain more credibility when together. If the victim were to try to report it, you get a five to one telling, and often those of authority either choose to ignore the report or are forced to take the side of the group over the individual.


There are also cases of groups attacking groups. These are more far ranging than simple school bullying, and rarely get reported. Sometimes it is one school versus another, or even gang warfare. Yes, I include gangs in this. Their whole purpose is to gain authority over an area or business and to bully those in that area or business for purpose of money or simple reputation. This is bullying in its loosest definition, but bullying all the same.


4. Grade school vs secondary vs college


In my limited experience, the degrees of bullying increases as the age of the victims and bullies increase. That is not to say that the bullying at younger ages is any less harmful. It still hurts, and still has long lasting effects. However, as the ages progress, the bullying takes on new dimensions. It can become more subtle or hidden, and can become more complex.





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It also makes sense that as newer social engagement opportunities open, new ways to bully open as well. Where in grade school parties are normally limited to birthday or sport team celebrations, in high school and college there are dances and assorted other parties involved. As they move from high school and into college, there is the addition of places outside the schools’ control. Bars and dance clubs then become stages for cases of bullying.


It becomes more difficult to curb the behavior as well. Many schools now have some sort of anti-bullying policy. Not all. However, as the age progresses, the school’s ability to discipline and educate diminishes. The harm has already been done. This only leads further into the hopelessness a victim will feel. (I’ll cover this more later on.)


5. Cyber bullies and trolls

The invention of computer gave birth to this type of bully. It didn’t take long for bullies to rear their ugly heads in this assumed safe haven. First came the STS and BBS boards with their anonymity. People could create false names and be free of judgment. Instead of picking on looks or anything superficial, they picked on intelligence. They would poke holes in any argument made for or against any subject.

The troll was born.

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No, the internet troll is nothing new. I had contact with my first internet troll in 1996. The troubling part is when we give children access to all the anonymity that the internet provides.

Teens far too often have their heads bent staring at their smart phones, or backs arched as they play on laptops and tablets. It is here that the worst of our society has come out.

Cyber bullies will often point out every tiny flaw of someone or of something someone has posted online. Be it a bit of cellulite, or laughing at the way their hair is blowing in the wind. If this seems silly, it is. The problem is they do it constantly. They get worse, publicizing that time you tripped down the stairs, or that video of when you ran into that really cute boy and spilled your lunch tray all over him. They attack you for every word you say.

Cyber bullies make everything personal. You posted a picture telling people to choose their own path and suddenly you are a lonely loser, and that is why you are alone. These bullies are right there online. No longer can you go home and be safe. Because that teasing that started in school or at work has now followed you home as well. There is no break to the constant barrage of insults and nit-picking. You begin to believe there really is something wrong with you.

And now they have won. They have that power. Cyber bullies and trolls are one in the same. It is difficult to pin down cyber bullying. Messages are easily deleted, as are Facebook posts and such. Screenshots can be the only way to capture the messages, but even that can be difficult.

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I’m cutting the list here, I’ll add more next week. Please, if you are dealing with any of these bullies, tell someone. Your parents, a teacher, your best friend, SOMEONE. Sticks and stones do break bones, and words can slice you into ribbons; I know this well. But there is hope, and nothing is as bad as these bullies say.

If you can’t find anyone close to talk to, I urge you to call the Crisis Call Center at 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863. And please, if you feel like ending it all is the best choice, call the Suicide Hotline at 800-784-2433 or call 911. Your life if far too valuable, don’t let them win.