Sunday Recap 5-3-2015

I am going to try to do a recap every Sunday covering everything that happened the previous week. I won't be perfect, I'm sure, but the point here is to try.

This past week has been rather tame, to be honest. I've been depressed, dragging ass and unable to do more than take care of my little Princess Kitten. Which sucks, really, because I have so much I want to do. Fortunately for me, I have friends who are there to kick me around. I just have to remember (and force myself) to ask for help.

That is where the problem is, I believe. Asking anyone for help is paramount to admitting I suck. I'll admit it, I tell myself that I do indeed suck way more than I should. Positive thinking has already been proven to not work for me. I can't quiet the negativity in my mind. Unfortunately, it reflects in my writing, or lack of writing.

In true rapid cycling bipolar fashion, though, I found myself surfing a high today. Oh what I have gotten done! I have plans for this blog, but you may not see the results of all this work for a few months. Why? Because I want to get a few months of work done before I start posting it, that way I can be ahead of myself for when I have down days.

Keeping this in mind, I have things I need from you, my dearest readers. I have three blogs at this time, and will have a fourth soon-ish. In case you are knew to my flavor of (in)sanity, let me recap those blogs.

Nightmares and Chocolate is the blog you are currently reading. This is my literary blog and covers everything related to writing and my voyage to becoming published. This includes the occasional (in)sane posts about metal health in its relation to character development and writer coping methods.

Through Twisted Darkness is my mental health blog. Plain and simple, I cover all things mental. This is where I go to release my inner demons on the world, as well as communicate my path through therapy. It is my hope that this blog helps others to seek help and to be more open in their lives as they struggle with their own demons. My life is an open book here, and I make no apologies for my own thoughts and opinions.

Magical Adventures of Princess Kitten is my daughter's blog. I cover her journey through life and the struggles we have while coping with her HFA and ADHD. I cover topics relating to parenting, autism, ADHD, and even the magical imaginings of my daughter. This is her blog, though I am the caretaker of it. I hate trolls, but I'm even more strict on this site since it is hers.

Any Witchy Way will be coming soon. This will be a blog dedicated to witches by witches. I plan on having it written by as many people as I can. I want this blog to become a safe haven to all paths under the Pagan umbrella. I seek to educate and inform one and all about Paganism and its many forms, beliefs, and practices.

Why give all this information out? Because I need your help! Every Tuesday I will be allowing someone to take over my blogs. No, not all at once, I'm not looking for anyone THAT specific. What I need are authors to take over one or more of my blogs. I need those who want to do these takeovers to fully understand the theme behind each one, and then be free to write whatever they please within those parameters. This is a way for authors from all genres and walks of life to reach out to another audience and to get free publicity.

I'm also looking for random posts from anyone who may have something to say, but don't currently have anything to publicize. This includes random people who are dealing with mental illness or those who are relatives of someone dealing with a disability of any sort. I'm not wanting these stories to make money, I am wanting these stories to show all those who have issues to know they are not alone. I want both happy and sad stories. (I'll kiss the boots of someone who can write a post about addiction or drunk driving too!)

Finally, I am looking for questions from all of your for each of these pages. Each Saturday I will be answering your questions either as a blog or a vlog. (I need to find a way to set up my camera for a vlog, until then it'll be blog only for me, and vlog for Princess Kitten.)

So, help me please? Share out this post so I can get the word out to as many people as possible. Not just on your fan pages, but personal pages as well. If you can help with questions, post them below. Be sure to tell me which blog you are asking for, otherwise you'll get the answer here. If you want to ask/respond anonymously, contact me on my Facebook page and I'll get back to you ASAP.

Love and light to you all,
K Perrin

Running Behind

I hate running behind schedule. Loathe it, even. Unfortunately, my mind isn't straight right now, and I find myself wandering from the subjects at hand. There is a good reason for this, of course, and the purpose I am writing this blog.

I have court tomorrow. No, I wasn't arrested or anything. This is all over child support issues, which I won't cover here in order to protect my child. (I have two, though one does not live with me, regrettably.) I have anxiety issues as it is, and this makes them worse. However, this is not the blog for all that drama.

I'm sorry to all those looking forward to today's blog. It WILL be posted, as soon as I can get it finished. Until then, please share out my other blogs covering Bullies and Mental Health.

Thanks!
~K Perrin

Blogging From A-Z: D is for Depressive Disorders

List taken from ADAA

Depressive Disorders

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• Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder More info
• Major Depressive Disorder, Single and Recurrent Episodes More info
• Persistent Depressive Disorder (Dysthymia)More info
• Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder More info
• Substance/Medication-Induced Depressive Disorder More info
• Depressive Disorder Due to Another Medical Condition More info
• Other Specified Depressive Disorder
• Unspecified Depressive Disorder

To this list I am adding in Bipolar Disorders I, II, and NOS more info or more info; Cyclothymia more info ; and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) more info. I would also add in Postpartum Depression, but the DSM currently in use does not have it as a specific diagnosis, and instead sets it as Major Depressive Disorder with Peripartum or Postpartum onset.

Too soon? RIP Robin, we will never forget you.

There is a wealth of information regarding all the depressive disorders. Depression seems to be in vogue, or at least the most desirable of all the disorders. And yet, with all the studies on depression, this is something often misunderstood.

What not to say:

• “It could be worse.”
• “What do you have to be depressed about?”
• “Just try not to be depressed.”
• “Try positive thinking.”
• “Just cheer up already.”
• “My life is so much worse, I’m not depressed.”
• “Its just a phase.”
• “Don’t be so melodramatic.”
• “You’re just looking for attention.”
• “Cheer up, its not so bad.”
• “God never gives you more than you can handle.”
• “Just get over it already.”

Look, depressed people already know depression sucks, we don’t need

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platitudes to make us better. If working through depression were that simple, there wouldn’t be depressed people. We see the same things over and over again, and it often makes things that much worse.

That said, let me discuss what it is like when a bipolar me gets in the deep down abyss of depression. First, imagine a screw, or, rather, the hole it screws into. Those ridges, they are train tracks, and they lead you into the deepest and darkest depths of that hole. The further down you go, the harder it is to slow down.

Down inside that hole there is no light. No laughter. No joy. There is only sadness, emptiness, and a wealth of anger and doubt. There is now growth, no flowers or butterflies. All you hear is your own thoughts, and the further you go the louder they get. Then other voices mix in. It becomes not just your voice, but all the voices of people who have ever hurt you. They echo against the walls, the sound driving into your very bones. It is in this deep hole, this spiraling abyss, that you face all your deepest secrets, insecurities, fears, and memories.

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I never now how, but somehow when I am lost in these images and voices, I’ll hit some bump in the track and it’ll whip me around and send my flying upward. The hole becomes a mountain, this huge bulking beast of a thing. Towards the bottom of it is all the normal stuff. This is where normal people live. I’ll start climbing this mountain slowly, enjoying the scenery, but eventually the ride speeds up. Upwards it goes, and things start moving quicker. Thoughts fly past quicker than I can catch them. Ideas bubble up and float away.

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As I climb further up the mountain, I start finding things to do. Energy bubbles out of me and attracts the deadly project monsters. These are creatures that are entirely too big for one person. Yet, somehow, I take every one on that I can. They pile inside my little car and fill me with such hope and promise. In and in they pile, the higher I go the more come. The noise from them becomes unbearable.

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They start with sweet whispers, these project monsters. “Crochet me.” “Write me.” “Build me.” “Plant me.” Friends appear and start adding their project monsters as well. “Design me.” “Build me.” “Write me.” As we go higher, they make their demands louder. Panic joins the party and presses down on me. The ride slows with the weight. Eventually it stops. It sits for a moment, I get that funny feeling that comes with a sudden drop. And then it happens, I tip over the edge and slide down. Anger flies beside me, guiding me back onto the track, leading back into that dark abyss that I had once thought I escaped.

I don’t choose to be like this. If I had it my way, I’d stay at ground level and hang out with all the normal folk. But that isn’t my path. I am destined to continue these ups and downs. But at least I’m not alone. There are many others out there taking their own rides.

Author Sheri Velarde, diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with Recurrent Episodes, describes depression similarly: “I feel like

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nothing I do is right or any good. I feel like giving up so many things, including writing. It's just hard to find anything positive in life. I feel pretty worthless to society, like nothing I do matters. I sometimes dip low enough to vaguely think about suicide, but not actually how to do it. More like, the world would be better without me. It can last from a few hours to a few weeks, then I go back up to normal. It's hard to function during really low times. I also get really down on myself physically. Feel super ugly and unworthy of love and attention.”

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But Author Krista Kelley, diagnosed with Bipolar, has a slightly different take: “I have different ‘stages’ of my depression episodes. Stage 1-3 with 3 being the worst. Stage one, I'm down and just kind of blue. I can still function, but I do have random crying episodes. Stage 2 is where I don't want to really be around people. I have a shorter fuse and it doesn't take much for me to get snippy and/or cry. Being touched in any way is a big no-no while I'm at Stage 2. Stage 3 is my blow-up stage. I'm in my office, by myself, trying to keep myself from doing or saying something I would regret. Stage 3 is the precipice, one step away from total mental breakdown.”

“During one of my manic episodes, I feel like I'm full of energy, kind of jittery,” Krista continued. “My mind's racing, full of ideas that I want to do. I talk faster and more than normal (I'm also a severe introvert). I'm happy, giggly. It's like I've had way too much coffee. I feel like I'm on top of the world and everything is alright.”

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One thing we all agree on: Writing suffers when we are low. It feels pointless to even try. Why? No one is reading it anyway, right? Yet writing, any other time, gives us such joy. We chose to write because we simply can’t not write. And yet, on the other side of the spectrum, writing can still be difficult.

When asked how her writing suffers, Sheri confessed, “I sometimes think about stopping writing all together and getting a 9-5 job. I write less, less words, often skip days. It really slows me down. I also get really emotional if I have edits during that time, seeing it as proof that I am no good when I get a manuscript back all marked up. And that is really when I consider quitting.”

Don’t you dare quit, don’t give up, no matter what.

Krista Kelley had this to say about writing during her down moments: “During my depressive episodes, I don't want to do anything. I just want to curl up by myself and cry. My mind is cloaked in so much darkness that I can't think of anything else.”

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Yet there is a similar theme for her during manic episodes. “During one of these episodes, I can't concentrate on one single thing,” she told me. “My mind won't slow down and focus on what I need it to. I don't get anything done.”

It is no easy task to try to get anything done when bouncing between lightness, darkness, and mania. You get into this constant emotional whirlwind, and thoughts are either gloomy, or too quick to even really catch.

Writing characters with a depressive disorder is no small task either. “Research and maintain an open mind,” Author Julie Stanley said. “Talk to and interview people who suffer from it. It's one thing to study up on it and be knowledgeable in depressive disorders, but something completely different to see it or feel it first hand. Many do try to understand and empathize, but until you speak to someone and let them describe the symptoms and how it feels, a lot of writers may still struggle."

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"I had a crippling panic attack in front of one of my friends not too long ago," Julie continued. "It felt like my brain shut off completely and all I could hear was the noise. The best example I can give to how it felt is referencing the scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where the priest ripped out the guy's heart during a ceremony for Kalimah. It's suffocating. My friend just looked at me as though I were exaggerating...until I had to call my doc for help. When someone says it is that bad, it IS that bad. Playing off the symptoms is like a slap to the face and hurts deeply. Show compassion and understanding as you learn. It really opens your eyes not just learning about the disorders, but the people as well. We are not defined by our struggles, but our strength to overcome.”

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Sheri Velarde suggested writers “research. Talk to people with depression or someone who works within the mental health care system. Make it real. People with depression are not like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. People still work (when) depressed. They don't want to be depressed. They can't just snap out of it. Meeting the love of their life won't cure them from depression. It's a chemical imbalance, it is by no way something they brought upon themselves.”

“Bipolar disorder is an illness,” said Krista Kelley, “no matter what the naysayers try to say. But make sure that their disorder isn't their defining characteristic. We do have our normal days, too. It's not all one extreme or the other.”

The important thing, here, is to make it real. Don’t turn it into a cartoonish portrayal. It can be difficult, especially in short stories, but it isn’t impossible when you give the disorder the respect it deserves. Keep it real; show it, don’t tell it. (Isn’t that what everyone keeps saying?)

And for you authors out there with depressive disorders? Don’t give up. Don’t quit. Keep fighting.

“Just keep plugging along,” Sheri urged. “You are still a good writer no matter what your brain is telling you at the moment. Don't beat yourself up if you skip a few days of writing or don't make your word count for the day/week. Talk to your friends, a strong support system will help you through and help get you back writing. My editor and author friends, along with my fiancé, won't let me quit writing and sometimes I need that push.”

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Krista added, “Don't let bipolar disorder crush your dreams. You will have days where you're so depressed that nothing gets written. And you will have days where you're so manic that nothing gets done. Take it one day at a time and get done what you can, when you can. Your health is the most important thing.”

Depression sucks, Bipolar too. No one chooses to live with a depressive disorder, all they can do is play the cards they are dealt with the best poker faces they can put on.

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Disclaimer: I am not a therapist. I have not taken any classes, nor do I have a degree. I am writing this from my standpoint based on my personal experiences and research. I beg of you, if you think you may have a Depressive Disorder, speak with a doctor immediately.

No matter what, suicide is not an option. If you are thinking of harming yourself, seek help. Talk to a doctor, go to the ER, or even call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 (800) 273-8255

Find Sheri Velarde on Facebook, her Store Page, Twitter, her Blog, and get her books at Amazon.
Find Krista Kelley on Facebook, her Store Page, Twitter, her Blog, and get her book at Amazon.
Find Julie Stanley on Facebook, her Editing Page, Twitter, her Blog, and get her books at Amazon.