Blogging From A-Z: D is for Depressive Disorders

List taken from ADAA

Depressive Disorders

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• Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder More info
• Major Depressive Disorder, Single and Recurrent Episodes More info
• Persistent Depressive Disorder (Dysthymia)More info
• Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder More info
• Substance/Medication-Induced Depressive Disorder More info
• Depressive Disorder Due to Another Medical Condition More info
• Other Specified Depressive Disorder
• Unspecified Depressive Disorder

To this list I am adding in Bipolar Disorders I, II, and NOS more info or more info; Cyclothymia more info ; and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) more info. I would also add in Postpartum Depression, but the DSM currently in use does not have it as a specific diagnosis, and instead sets it as Major Depressive Disorder with Peripartum or Postpartum onset.

Too soon? RIP Robin, we will never forget you.

There is a wealth of information regarding all the depressive disorders. Depression seems to be in vogue, or at least the most desirable of all the disorders. And yet, with all the studies on depression, this is something often misunderstood.

What not to say:

• “It could be worse.”
• “What do you have to be depressed about?”
• “Just try not to be depressed.”
• “Try positive thinking.”
• “Just cheer up already.”
• “My life is so much worse, I’m not depressed.”
• “Its just a phase.”
• “Don’t be so melodramatic.”
• “You’re just looking for attention.”
• “Cheer up, its not so bad.”
• “God never gives you more than you can handle.”
• “Just get over it already.”

Look, depressed people already know depression sucks, we don’t need

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platitudes to make us better. If working through depression were that simple, there wouldn’t be depressed people. We see the same things over and over again, and it often makes things that much worse.

That said, let me discuss what it is like when a bipolar me gets in the deep down abyss of depression. First, imagine a screw, or, rather, the hole it screws into. Those ridges, they are train tracks, and they lead you into the deepest and darkest depths of that hole. The further down you go, the harder it is to slow down.

Down inside that hole there is no light. No laughter. No joy. There is only sadness, emptiness, and a wealth of anger and doubt. There is now growth, no flowers or butterflies. All you hear is your own thoughts, and the further you go the louder they get. Then other voices mix in. It becomes not just your voice, but all the voices of people who have ever hurt you. They echo against the walls, the sound driving into your very bones. It is in this deep hole, this spiraling abyss, that you face all your deepest secrets, insecurities, fears, and memories.

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I never now how, but somehow when I am lost in these images and voices, I’ll hit some bump in the track and it’ll whip me around and send my flying upward. The hole becomes a mountain, this huge bulking beast of a thing. Towards the bottom of it is all the normal stuff. This is where normal people live. I’ll start climbing this mountain slowly, enjoying the scenery, but eventually the ride speeds up. Upwards it goes, and things start moving quicker. Thoughts fly past quicker than I can catch them. Ideas bubble up and float away.

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As I climb further up the mountain, I start finding things to do. Energy bubbles out of me and attracts the deadly project monsters. These are creatures that are entirely too big for one person. Yet, somehow, I take every one on that I can. They pile inside my little car and fill me with such hope and promise. In and in they pile, the higher I go the more come. The noise from them becomes unbearable.

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They start with sweet whispers, these project monsters. “Crochet me.” “Write me.” “Build me.” “Plant me.” Friends appear and start adding their project monsters as well. “Design me.” “Build me.” “Write me.” As we go higher, they make their demands louder. Panic joins the party and presses down on me. The ride slows with the weight. Eventually it stops. It sits for a moment, I get that funny feeling that comes with a sudden drop. And then it happens, I tip over the edge and slide down. Anger flies beside me, guiding me back onto the track, leading back into that dark abyss that I had once thought I escaped.

I don’t choose to be like this. If I had it my way, I’d stay at ground level and hang out with all the normal folk. But that isn’t my path. I am destined to continue these ups and downs. But at least I’m not alone. There are many others out there taking their own rides.

Author Sheri Velarde, diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with Recurrent Episodes, describes depression similarly: “I feel like

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nothing I do is right or any good. I feel like giving up so many things, including writing. It's just hard to find anything positive in life. I feel pretty worthless to society, like nothing I do matters. I sometimes dip low enough to vaguely think about suicide, but not actually how to do it. More like, the world would be better without me. It can last from a few hours to a few weeks, then I go back up to normal. It's hard to function during really low times. I also get really down on myself physically. Feel super ugly and unworthy of love and attention.”

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But Author Krista Kelley, diagnosed with Bipolar, has a slightly different take: “I have different ‘stages’ of my depression episodes. Stage 1-3 with 3 being the worst. Stage one, I'm down and just kind of blue. I can still function, but I do have random crying episodes. Stage 2 is where I don't want to really be around people. I have a shorter fuse and it doesn't take much for me to get snippy and/or cry. Being touched in any way is a big no-no while I'm at Stage 2. Stage 3 is my blow-up stage. I'm in my office, by myself, trying to keep myself from doing or saying something I would regret. Stage 3 is the precipice, one step away from total mental breakdown.”

“During one of my manic episodes, I feel like I'm full of energy, kind of jittery,” Krista continued. “My mind's racing, full of ideas that I want to do. I talk faster and more than normal (I'm also a severe introvert). I'm happy, giggly. It's like I've had way too much coffee. I feel like I'm on top of the world and everything is alright.”

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One thing we all agree on: Writing suffers when we are low. It feels pointless to even try. Why? No one is reading it anyway, right? Yet writing, any other time, gives us such joy. We chose to write because we simply can’t not write. And yet, on the other side of the spectrum, writing can still be difficult.

When asked how her writing suffers, Sheri confessed, “I sometimes think about stopping writing all together and getting a 9-5 job. I write less, less words, often skip days. It really slows me down. I also get really emotional if I have edits during that time, seeing it as proof that I am no good when I get a manuscript back all marked up. And that is really when I consider quitting.”

Don’t you dare quit, don’t give up, no matter what.

Krista Kelley had this to say about writing during her down moments: “During my depressive episodes, I don't want to do anything. I just want to curl up by myself and cry. My mind is cloaked in so much darkness that I can't think of anything else.”

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Yet there is a similar theme for her during manic episodes. “During one of these episodes, I can't concentrate on one single thing,” she told me. “My mind won't slow down and focus on what I need it to. I don't get anything done.”

It is no easy task to try to get anything done when bouncing between lightness, darkness, and mania. You get into this constant emotional whirlwind, and thoughts are either gloomy, or too quick to even really catch.

Writing characters with a depressive disorder is no small task either. “Research and maintain an open mind,” Author Julie Stanley said. “Talk to and interview people who suffer from it. It's one thing to study up on it and be knowledgeable in depressive disorders, but something completely different to see it or feel it first hand. Many do try to understand and empathize, but until you speak to someone and let them describe the symptoms and how it feels, a lot of writers may still struggle."

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"I had a crippling panic attack in front of one of my friends not too long ago," Julie continued. "It felt like my brain shut off completely and all I could hear was the noise. The best example I can give to how it felt is referencing the scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where the priest ripped out the guy's heart during a ceremony for Kalimah. It's suffocating. My friend just looked at me as though I were exaggerating...until I had to call my doc for help. When someone says it is that bad, it IS that bad. Playing off the symptoms is like a slap to the face and hurts deeply. Show compassion and understanding as you learn. It really opens your eyes not just learning about the disorders, but the people as well. We are not defined by our struggles, but our strength to overcome.”

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Sheri Velarde suggested writers “research. Talk to people with depression or someone who works within the mental health care system. Make it real. People with depression are not like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. People still work (when) depressed. They don't want to be depressed. They can't just snap out of it. Meeting the love of their life won't cure them from depression. It's a chemical imbalance, it is by no way something they brought upon themselves.”

“Bipolar disorder is an illness,” said Krista Kelley, “no matter what the naysayers try to say. But make sure that their disorder isn't their defining characteristic. We do have our normal days, too. It's not all one extreme or the other.”

The important thing, here, is to make it real. Don’t turn it into a cartoonish portrayal. It can be difficult, especially in short stories, but it isn’t impossible when you give the disorder the respect it deserves. Keep it real; show it, don’t tell it. (Isn’t that what everyone keeps saying?)

And for you authors out there with depressive disorders? Don’t give up. Don’t quit. Keep fighting.

“Just keep plugging along,” Sheri urged. “You are still a good writer no matter what your brain is telling you at the moment. Don't beat yourself up if you skip a few days of writing or don't make your word count for the day/week. Talk to your friends, a strong support system will help you through and help get you back writing. My editor and author friends, along with my fiancé, won't let me quit writing and sometimes I need that push.”

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Krista added, “Don't let bipolar disorder crush your dreams. You will have days where you're so depressed that nothing gets written. And you will have days where you're so manic that nothing gets done. Take it one day at a time and get done what you can, when you can. Your health is the most important thing.”

Depression sucks, Bipolar too. No one chooses to live with a depressive disorder, all they can do is play the cards they are dealt with the best poker faces they can put on.

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Disclaimer: I am not a therapist. I have not taken any classes, nor do I have a degree. I am writing this from my standpoint based on my personal experiences and research. I beg of you, if you think you may have a Depressive Disorder, speak with a doctor immediately.

No matter what, suicide is not an option. If you are thinking of harming yourself, seek help. Talk to a doctor, go to the ER, or even call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 (800) 273-8255

Find Sheri Velarde on Facebook, her Store Page, Twitter, her Blog, and get her books at Amazon.
Find Krista Kelley on Facebook, her Store Page, Twitter, her Blog, and get her book at Amazon.
Find Julie Stanley on Facebook, her Editing Page, Twitter, her Blog, and get her books at Amazon.